i wrote you off too soon
by MermaidMidna
Summary: She breaks his heart, but somehow he can't find it within him to break hers. S5 finale spec based on previews. A wishful thinking, if you will.


She breaks his heart, but somehow he can't find it within him to break hers.

She never says the words to him, but she doesn't have to. She loves Chuck, not him.

He's always wanted her to be happy, right? So if another man is what makes her happy, then he should let her go. He should be glad that she's found someone better for her than him.

But somewhere between kisses and love making, dinners and events, and long talks and sleepovers, he's found that a part of him has changed. A part of him wants to be happy too.

He gives her an ultimatum. He doesn't want to, but it seems that's the only way he can move on. _Tell me how you feel about me, or I'm going to Italy alone._ He doesn't want to be that guy. He's never wanted to be that guy. But it hurts too much to have her ignore his 'I love you's.

She doesn't call him, doesn't come back to the loft, doesn't return to her house, and that's enough of an answer for him. He knows where she is, and it's not with him. He packs his bags that night.

He never has sex with Serena, never kisses her, never even lays a finger on her. But somehow pictures of him and the blonde surface on the web in a very compromising position. Okay, it's not really him, but it sure as hell looks like him, and everyone thinks it's him, and… Damn, could she _not_ have picked someone else to sleep with?

_That's not me,_ he types in a text to Gossip Girl, but he never clicks send. What's the point?

Blair calls him two days later. He's already in Rome.

"Dan, I-"

"Please, if you're going to say something that's only going to hurt me more… don't. I can't deal with it," he practically begs. "Please."

He hears her sigh on the other line before she hangs up the phone.

_The Monarch of Manhattan _becomes a lost cause. He can't begin to write something semi-cheery, even if it is loosely inspired by her. His journal is filled with sad prose and even more depressing poems. He keeps a picture of them taped in the back and sometimes he runs his fingers over it, smiling wistfully. They are both wearing grins and he likes the way she's looking at him.

_She was happy with me. _The thought won't leave his head, but neither will the thought of her holed up in The Empire with Chuck.

He meets girls, lots of girls, in Rome. Some of them are in the writer's program with him. Others are natives. None of them are fiercely strong, independent, outspoken, beautiful, or capable. None of their eyes sparkle like Blair's.

He cancels his subscription to Gossip Girl when she sends out a blast with a picture of Chuck and Blair in a casino. That same day, he gets an email from her.

_I didn't want to hurt you, please understand that, Dan. Every day that goes by, I feel worse and worse for what I did to you. Despite what you may think, I really do care about you. I really wish that this hadn't happened to you of all people. You don't deserve this. You deserve someone who will make you happy, and I'm sorry that couldn't be me. _

_Tell me how you really feel, _he types back.

_I can't stop going back to him even though I want to get away. I hate this feeling. I hate being trapped. I miss you. Sometimes I think I was falling in love with you. No, I know I was. But the thought of you with Serena was too much to handle._

_I didn't sleep with her. That was someone else. I waited over a year for you. I wouldn't do that. I loved you. I still do, and I can't find someone to replace you or make me happier than you ever did. It will never happen. _

Five minutes later he gets a call from her on his phone. "Why didn't you tell me it wasn't you?" she asks without a greeting. It's the first time he's heard her voice in over a month.

"You were with Chuck," he responds simply.

"I didn't go to him until after the pictures were sent out of that guy and Serena. I thought it was you, Dan. Everyone thought it was you." Her breathing is ragged, almost like she is choking on air. "Serena… she told me it was you."

He feels as if he's been dunked into an ice cold bucket of water as he takes in her words and the gravity that they hold. "Blair, I-"

"How could I have been so dumb?" she asks herself aloud, and he can tell there are tears forming in her eyes from the way she speaks. "People always let me down, but you, you never… Where are you?" she questions abruptly.

"I'm in Rome."

"No, where _exactly_ are you?"

She shows up at his hotel the next day.

"Forgive me. I want to be with you. I-"

"Came for me," he says for her, and she nods, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

His last week in Rome is full of late nights watching classic movies, attempts to learn romantic words in Italian, and entangled limbs under hotel bed sheets. She never asks him if he thinks they'll be able to make it back home, a question he waits for the whole eight days they are there together.

Instead, she returns to New York clinging tightly to his hand. She takes a picture of them and sends it to Gossip Girl herself because she's the one in control this time around. Queen B and Not-So-Lonely Boy come home.

He writes again. She gets an internship.

Her first 'I love you' comes on a Friday night after he's been at school all day. He's stressed and upset that he's not getting to spend a lot of time with her. He apologizes, and her eyes sparkle.

"You always want to be with me, more than anything," she remarks with a smile.

"Of course."

"I love you." Her eyes mist over, and her hands reach for his. "I love you, Dan, and I-"

They never let each other finish sentences. They don't have to. His lips against hers speak better than words ever could.

* * *

_Thank you for reading. Please review if you have the time! _


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